Love Is Not Found Between Your Legs- A Man's Guide to a Woman's Happiness

I want to talk to women here. The men can stay too, if they'll keep it down, because this is important for women to hear. I want you to understand something ladies: Love is not found between your legs. Life may come from there, but living does not. What is in between your ears-your mind-that is where love, and happiness, and true life can be found. It is not enough to go through this world trying to be loved, trying to find love, looking for happiness. You must realize that happiness is the way, and that there is no path to finding it. The Constitution of the United States of America may guarantee the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but happiness is not truly pursued. This is a lie. One pursues a lover, or a dream, or even a criminal; happiness is not to be pursued, because happiness simply is. If you are not happy, it is not because you haven’t found happiness but because you don’t believe that you deserve to be happy. But all people deserve happiness, even the wickedest of us all. For if the wicked would only realize their innate happiness, they might not be wicked.

Our society is lying to you, and it lies to you every day. It tells you that to be happy, you must be skinny, or have the nicest clothes, or the greatest hair, or the whitest teeth, or the best job, or the richest husband. Or whatever else they can sell you on so you’ll buy their magazines and their products to make you “beautiful” when you already are so just by virtue of being a woman. You see, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Yet society does it every day. Take the recent Dove beauty project, wherein they have a forensic artist draw pictures of women describing themselves and then pictures of the same woman being described by another woman who has just met her. The results tend to show that women think they are much less attractive than others see them. Herein is the issue. We pursue the opinions of others for our own affirmation, and we are met with either heartache when they do not validate us or shock when they show us we are much better than we thought. It is a disease that affects us all, but unfortunately it affects women much more so. Women want to be thought of as pretty, no matter what they say. There is no greater compliment to a woman than to tell her she is beautiful.

Yet women do not want to believe that they are beautiful. They look at magazines with their airbrushing and Photoshopping and think, “This is what I should look like. But I don’t. therefore, I must be ugly…or at least not as pretty as I could be.” Well I want you to understand this right now. You, as a woman, are beautiful. Not one of us on this earth would be here without women, and so many of us would have never survived without women. While the men are running around doing all kinds of things-from the good like taking care of their families to the bad like leaving their families behind because they’re irresponsible to the truly horrific, like abusing their families-women tend to take up the slack. This is not a diatribe against men, no feminazi rantings from a self-loathing man. I am a man, and I am proud to be one, but I can see the writing on the wall. Society may be built by men, but its foundations are built by women. As the saying goes, the man may be the head but the woman is the neck, turning the head where she wants it to go.

But society doesn’t want you to realize your inherent beauty as women. Society shows you two views of women, both of which are detrimental to your own self-esteem and self-worth. The first view is that all men are stupid, and therefore you must be the cynical, sighing stick in the mud who takes all the fun out of everything. Look at almost every commercial that features a dad and a mom and you’ll see what I mean. They tend to go something like this. Son wants to build a treehouse. Dad, not knowing how to do so, refuses to admit his inability, so dad and son begin the project. Mom comes out to see what is going on, finds dad with his head stuck in a beehive running around like a madman, and son is doing all the work. Sighing, mom rolls her eyes, fends off the bees, frees dad, and then suggests that they hire a contractor. While we may laugh at this commercial, the underlying lesson here is simple: Men are stupid and incompetent, women are shrewish and sarcastic, and mom wants to make sure that she interrupts any potential bonding time between dad and son. Or maybe I read too much into these things.

The second view is that women are objects designed for pleasure. Now this comes in different forms. They can be bikini models, Playboy bunnies, cooks, maids, servants whose only purpose in life is to please the men. But the idea is the same. In this view, women are meant to be objects. Men can masturbate to their pictures, can slap their behinds as they walk by, can basically be the big stupid animals that the women know they are anyway (after all, they’ve seen the commercials) and women are supposed to take it. The funny thing is, when this is criticized, inevitably someone will come out in defense, talking about how the hypersexualization of women is a good thing because now women are seen as sexual beings and women deserve earth-shattering orgasms (as if the entire purpose of sex was to have an orgasm) and the only way they can accomplish this is by walking around completely nude, teasing men into such a frenzy that they basically consummate this illusion of love with something akin to rape-which, incidentally, is called “rough sex” and which will produce this amazing orgasm that every woman deserves. It’s pure, unadulterated bullshit, but it’s what we are told to believe.

Some women will rebel against this stereotype, but unfortunately many times this rebellion is not positive at all. Back in 1993 Queen Latifah released the song U.N.I.T.Y. with the words, “Who you callin’ a bitch?” It was a song which took to task the degradation of women, especially in hip-hop. Nowadays, the answer to Latifah’s question would be, “Myself. I’m the baddest bitch.” The script, as they say, has been flipped. Women will call themselves bitches, as if this is some kind of badge of honor. You can even buy t-shirts that say asinine things like, 1% Angel, 99% Bitch”. But you’re not a bitch, you are a human being. Bitches are female canines who go in heat and get humped by every horny dog in the neighborhood. Calling oneself a bitch is akin to calling oneself a chewed up piece of meat: good if you’re hungry and need something but definitely not your first choice. Men do not want bitches, little boys do.

I’m going to let you in on a secret. Men do not want your breasts, your vagina, or any other part of you. Men want you as the total package, with your mind and your heart, your smile and your sense of humor, your anger and your tenderness. All of you, that’s what men want. Little boys want something warm to play in. books and magazine articles galore have been written about what men want. If you want to know what men want, the simple answer is this: what do you want? Until you know what you want, you will never find a man that will satisfy you, because as I said, happiness is not found in anything other than your mind. If you’re looking for little boys, immature half-men who like to play with toys, then by all means buy every Maybelline product you can, try every diet out there, buy every single trendy article of clothing that exists. Open your legs for anyone and everyone. But if you want a man, learn to want yourself first. Because if you don’t want yourself, what makes you think anyone else worth having would want you?